Carry the fear with you...

dog

I've finally learnt that it's ok to be scared and anxious! Well, to be more precise, that it's ok if part of me feels that - even strongly.

For many years, I would feel afraid... let's say when facing a new and challenging situation. I would feel scared and at the same time try and not feel scared, I'd try and talk myself out of it, or ignore it, or reassure myself. Or even worse I'd get caught in some kind of self judgement - feeling low or a failure because here I was again feeling afraid. A painful place.
dog

I've finally learnt that it's ok to be scared and anxious! Well, to be more precise, that it's ok if part of me feels that - even strongly.

For many years, I would feel afraid... let's say when facing a new and challenging situation. I would feel scared and at the same time try and not feel scared, I'd try and talk myself out of it, or ignore it, or reassure myself. Or even worse I'd get caught in some kind of self judgement - feeling low or a failure because here I was again feeling afraid. A painful place.

What I have slowly learnt to do, through focusing, was to find a way to come into relationship with some part of me that felt afraid. And this relationship is one of empathy and inclusion. It's as if I can turn to this one and say "hello, I am with you, I can feel you are afraid and you can be here with me looking after you" it doesn't have to get excluded or judged. It can come along - with company.

It's funny how including it in this way actually decreases the fear - it's kind of counter intuitive... but it works.

This feels so much easier that saying to ourselves "I'll only take this step when I am no longer scared of it" this would never get us far! And in truth probably comes from something trying to protect us.

Next time you approach a scary situation, instead of trying to tell yourself to pull it together or don't feel afraid, why not invite it along with with you for the trip!
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