"You matter" - the implicit and essential message of Focusing

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It is a tragic truth that too may of us go through life feeling that our life does not matter, that what we deeply feel, value and believe does not matter, that even our existence does not matter. I meet many people that in some way had this message given to them as a child. Their feelings and inner life was not of value or worse, that how they were, was in some way not allowed or too much, flawed or damaged... Their sense of mattering in the world was broken or compromised. Imagine living in a world where you feel your life has no consequence? That your experience does not count in any way. Maybe you life, or aspects of it, was somewhat like that?

To feel we matter is an essential need. Even the word "matter" brings a lot. It speaks of substance and has its origins in latin words for origin, source and mother. When we matter we feel substantial, we feel real. Our existence in the world is noticed, is valued and cherished. It is an essential "message" to give to each other and an essential thing to feel.
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Behind the annoying person is a whole life...

Behind the annoying person is a whole life...

Over recent months, I've noticed how my son quickly goes into blame and frustration when his best friend does not respond to a message, a whole story can emerge about how his friend hates him or how they will never talk again. I am sure we have all done something similar, we send a message to a friend, expecting a response and when it does not come, we fall into blame and hurt.

And I notice how I am now learning to wonder…
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Is it ok to tell a story in Focusing?

There is a common misunderstanding about Focusing that it is all about the body, that you have to feel it all in the body and the body is where all the wisdom lies. To me, this is too black and white, and a little literal. What we can often forget is how important it is to tell a story, to give space to the narrative, or to share the narrative. When the original research was done into Focusing, they originally called what they found "a different way of speaking". They didn't say it was people listening to their bodies, they said it was about a different way of speaking. They saw that when people spoke, and at the same time referred to their direct felt experience, then change happened. So I want to talk more about this way of speaking. Read More...
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Holding it all

In such a short time, the world has changed

When I take my awareness inside, there is a lot to welcome. A huge span of responses, feelings and reactions. I want to share what comes for me to maybe support you in making sense and welcoming of what might be moving through you in these times.
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Open the door!

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Imagine a room in your house, filled with broken furniture, dusty boxes full of old files and who knows what, old toys and unwanted gifts pile up in every spare corner. Dust settles on all of it. It is the kind of room you might rarely enter, or just for a moment to dump something else in it. Maybe you have a room like this in your own home (or a cupboard or draw)? In this space nothing really changes from year to year.

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Why won't it say anything?

Stone

It's not unusual to meet something in Focusing that for some reason does not "open up". We might offer questions and invitations to it and nothing comes back. Maybe we are spending time with a tension in our chest or some deep sense of unease and no matter what we do - nothing changes. Here are three reasons why that might be happening.

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