Saying hello to a "no"

Saying hello to a "no"

It's hard to say hello to something in us that says no. It takes a lot of trust to stay with it enough to listen and hear what that is all about.

Very often my first reaction is to want to push the no away. For so many reasons the no can be unwelcome; maybe we are in a situation that does not welcome it, others may find it hard if you express it or maybe inside of us, we find it hard to hold ambivalence or conflict. A no can be awkward and difficult to have.
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Welcoming the guests. What wants attention part 2

In my last post, I wrote about how the simple invitation of “what wants attention” points to a deep and profound principle that lays at the heart of Focusing: that of letting the body lead the way. So what happens next? What does want attention when we open that space? Who shows up and why?

To begin, it is important to say that it doesn’t really matter who or what comes when we make that open invitation. It begins with acknowledging everything, whether we know what it is or not. I have learnt that everything inside appreciates acknowledgment! It does not have to be a “felt sense” as Focusers say. I often acknowledge all the thoughts that are buzzing around (even they have a quality you can describe), I might list in a general way the issues that are present or calling. I will say hello to whatever is there, being sure to include what we often call “resistance” or some part of me not wanting to do Focusing at all. It can take time to do this, which is fine. I often describe Focusing as a big inclusive space.
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What wants attention

What wants attention right now? I find this to be one of the most helpful and meaningful invitations I can use in Focusing?

Usually, in our everyday lives we like to feel we are in control of things. Indeed, it appears we are. We can acquire things instantly over our mobile devices, we can get information more or less whenever we want it. We can contact people in a moment, and even expect immediate response! For most of us in the modern developed world,  we have so much "control" and all of these have huge benefits... and yet somehow this adds to the big illusion that we can somehow control our experience.
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Welcoming the Tiger! - Working with Trauma in Focusing

Being alive means that we will at some point experience trauma - those events that are overwhelming or too much for us to be able to meet and assimilate. Inevitably when we turn our attention inside in Focusing (or other similar methods), what wants attention is what has not been met! and that includes what we could call trauma. Read more (PDF)
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