Who is navigating your life? or "why are you looking at your phone daddy?"
Recently my son Albie, who is 6, has been asking me "why are you looking at your phone daddy?" It's easy to lie or fudge an answer to be honest but very often it's because I am either restless or needing some way or removing myself from the painful present. It's a habit... and addiction and a useful handheld device that helps my life.
At heart. my son's question is vital and alive... it invites me to stop and ask, why? Why am I doing this? and it's a question I am growing more fond of. It's not a demanding question or critical… it's not "WHY? am I doing this? (and you know you shouldn't)" It is a more curious enquiry... what is beneath this thing I am doing ? What is wanted right now?
It seems to me to be very useful to know who is navigating or driving our life: in any given moment or as a general thing. It starts with the moment to moment knowing but from there we can see the patterns, and see the regular visitors that take over my body and drive. We can see the forces that move us.... and so often, what is driving me is some kind of part: something in pain or something feeling sad or something wanting approval and afraid of what others think... to name a few.
And I love these visitors, I feel kindly towards them (mostly) and it's not a place I want to love my life from. I don't want to get to the end of my life and realise it's been driven by fear all along.
So what deeper values might be "drive" us? And how do we find them and let them take the rudder?
For me right now, it's a matter of listening and aligning with what I deeply love and value. It's about hearing and making friends with all the parts that take over and tuning into, giving space to, deeper motivations. It is about noticing I have been hijacked by a part of myself, then making a relationship to it, and then sensing beneath that to what is the right next step for the whole of me, the whole of this situation I am in? (after all decisions exist in actual specific situations). And notice I said the whole situation... the next step includes the whole of it, not just what is good for me.
And as ever its starts with stopping and being curious... who is navigating my life now?
If you want to find out more, sign up from my free online seminar exploring just this on Tuesday April 4th 2017 at 7.30pm BST