Big Kindness

I want to share something that has been happening for a few years in my Focusing practice... and it’s about what I am calling big kindness. It happens like this: I’m exploring some theme around a difficulty, for example - my habit of spending too much time on the internet and researching products... and in that exploration I meet various parts of myself with empathy and understanding... and then in that exploration, it’s like I sense a bigger picture Read More...
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beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field

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"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. " Rumi

What happens when we listen deeply to another or ourselves?

We enter a space where we are curious, sensitive and open. We may have ideas about what will happen next, or judgements, we may not, but either way they are welcomed and included. They are not the one who listens but guests watching on perhaps, maybe worried, but certainly not the ones with ears!
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Who is navigating your life? or "why are you looking at your phone daddy?"

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Recently my son Albie, who is 6, has been asking me "why are you looking at your phone daddy?" It's easy to lie or fudge an answer to be honest but very often it's because I am either restless or needing some way or removing myself from the painful present. It's a habit... and addiction and a useful handheld device that helps my life.

At heart. my son's question is vital and alive... it invites me to stop and ask, why? Why am I doing this? and it's a question I am growing more fond of. It's not a demanding question or critical… it's not "WHY? am I doing this? (and you know you shouldn't)" It is a more curious enquiry... what is beneath this thing I am doing ? What is wanted right now? Read More...
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Facing uncertainty

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In truth, we are always living in uncertain times. Yet, right now it seems more evident or closer to the surface, but that thread of uncertainty is woven into everything and who knows when it will unravel. I have always been struck by this phrase from a ancient Buddhist teacher Shantideva "in a moment life breaks its word". This was not supposed to happen! - some part of us cries, "not to me or them"... change always brings shock, fear and struggle.

So. when we face that cliff edge of the unknown, how can focusing help us there? Read More...
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Going beyond labels... and why it matters

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I was talking to a friend recently and he was having a hard time with an issue to do with an intimate relationship. After he while he said that it was all "just craving" and this, it seems was the end of the conversation. I very much doubt it ended the issue! but it struck me how often our use of labels puts us at a distance to direct experience. It's convenient, yes, and yet this distance means it never really changes. It never changes because we haven't taken the time to really listen, to really see what is happening. To feel it' and register it's truth. Why? Because it's painful probably and it's an easier choice to avoid the pain. Read More...
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